The Social Media Championship Bracket

Intoxicated by March Madness and a nostalgia for Grantland’s ridiculous brackets (“Which Tom Cruise is the Best Tom Cruise?“), the Contently edit team decided to blow off real work last week and answer a very important question: Which branded social media account is the greatest of all?

So we made a bracket.

Now, we know what you’re thinking: You guys are really big dorks! This is true. Tournament selection and seeding was done by committee, region placement was picked randomly, and associate editor Dillon Baker designed that basic-as-hell bracket, so please don’t blame our design team.

We each took a region and then debated the Final Four via Slack. Here’s how it went down:

The Lazer Region

Chosen by Joe Lazauskas, editor-in-chief

Denny’s Twitter (1) vs. Microsoft’s LinkedIn (4)

This is a true David vs. Goliath matchup. As I’ve written before, Denny’s is fluent in weird Twitter, and just crushes it with most every tweet. Consider these shining examples from just the past few weeks:

all the eggs you didn’t find yesterday are here with us and we’re gonna smash ‘em

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) March 28, 2016

The most powerful 4-inch piece of cheese ever. pic.twitter.com/VHBf7el6Js

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) March 21, 2016

?

? : let me go slip into something a little more comfortable
? : ?
*comes back 5 mins later wearing a giant tortilla*
? : ?

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) March 12, 2016

You guys will also probably appreciate this one:

*drinking coffee, working from the diner*
*cracks knuckles*
*begins typing*
Did Brandspeak Cause The Snowpocalypse?

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) January 27, 2015

We’ve also praised Microsoft’s LinkedIn page, which has nearly 3 million followers and features really great articles, videos, webinars, and web series. If this was a tournament matchup, Microsoft’s LinkedIn would be the gritty Ivy League 16 seed, while Denny’s Twitter would be the athletic, frenetic, fast-break juggernaut. They average about 1,000 engagements per tweet, compared to around 25 likes per post for Microsoft’s LinkedIn. Ultimately, you’ve got to go with the crew that’s changing the game.

Winner: Denny’s Twitter 

Prada’s Instagram (3) vs. Old Spice’s Twitter (2)

I’m not in Prada’s target market—most of my wardrobe consists of startup Ts and I wear a backpack I stole from my mom—but people are really into Prada on Instagram. It’s like Carrie Bradshaw’s virtual closet, and the posts get a Sex and the City-level response—roughly 40,000 likes and 200 comments per post. They also mix it up. There are handbags, but there’s also shots of awesome interior design. Even I get it—everything is beautiful, and I should probably buy new pants.

Old Spice’s Twitter mirrors the ridiculousness of its infamous Isiah Mustafa/Terry Crews campaigns, and follows the same basic formula as Denny’s. But while Old Spice rocks YouTube, it’s not quite as tapped into weird Twitter. While some jokes hit:

If you’re a grizzly bear reading this—what are you even doing? You’re supposed to be hibernating. Go back to bed.

— Old Spice (@OldSpice) March 18, 2016

Others fall short:

Do breakaway pants have a fear of commitment, or are they just waiting for “the one”?

— Old Spice (@OldSpice) March 14, 2016

As a 2-seed, Old Spice is a prime example of a tragically over-seeded team by the committee based on past reputation. Prada wins in a round one route.

Winner: Prada’s Instagram

Denny’s Twitter (1) vs. Prada’s Instagram (3)

Damn this is hard. If I’m being perfectly honest, I think these might be the two strongest contenders in the field. Prada’s Instagram is impeccable and receives tons of engagement, but then again, so are a lot of other fashion brands.

Denny’s Twitter, on the other hand, is something we’ve seen before: a brand that’s consistently hilarious on Twitter and gets retweeted hundreds or thousands of times. It’s like seeing a leprechaun that’s secretly trying to sell you breakfast food.

Region Winner: Denny’s Twitter

The Jordan Region

Chosen by Jordan Teicher, senior editor

Coca-Cola’s Facebook (1) vs. General Electric’s Tumblr (4)

Coke is the most popular brand on Facebook; it has 97 million likes, which is more than the entire population of Vietnam, the 14-most populous country in the world. This is the equivalent of a power school from a power conference that can bully its way through the early part of the bracket while coasting on talent. And for such a big brand, Coke does bring some creativity, especially with video; viewers can watch a polar bear grow facial hair for No-Shave November, follow a bartender making coke-inspired cocktails, and check out some Marvel-inspired cross-promotion. A number of these clips have millions of views. The overall approach is too corporate, but still effective.

Tumblr is the Patriot League conference of social media. It’s easy to forget about the platform when discussing the major social networks, but the brands that use it still deserve recognition for their efforts. General Electric has one of the strongest branded Tumblr feeds out there, showing off GIFs of cool experiments (actually capturing lightning in a bottle) and clever calendar pegs (celebrating St. Patrick’s Day with a shamrock wind turbine), inspirational memes, and interesting updates on scientific innovation.

There’s a strong love-of-the-game vibe that gets diluted in Facebook where users can comment whatever they want. But the Tumblr posts are too infrequent at once a week and fail to drive substantial engagement. In fact, many of them don’t even reach 100 notes. In this mixed metaphor of sports and marketing, that just isn’t enough points to win.

Winner: Coca-Cola’s Facebook

Taco Bell’s Snapchat (3) vs. McDonald’s Facebook (2)

I have to admit I’ve never actually eaten Taco Bell. The food looks like muddy horseradish and I don’t care for chihuahuas. But the Taco Bell brand has taken on some underdog appeal over the last few years, going after teenagers, stoners, and stomachache enthusiasts with a surprisingly sophisticated digital media strategy. Snapchat stands at the center of that digital strategy. Taco Bell was actually one the first brand adopters of Snapchat way back in 2013 and now has full-time employees who only work on the platform, posting videos that tease new items on the menu or promote to the company’s mobile app. The brand was even behind the first Snapchat film back in 2014–intestinal fortitude that most companies don’t have when it comes to social media investments.

McDonald’s, meanwhile, has the second-most fans of any brand on Facebook, only trailing Coca-Cola. More than 63 million people have put in the effort to like the brand, and that audience counts for something. But Mickey D’s plays it safe, mostly posting images of deals and close-up videos of condiments. (When you #UnsungHeroOfCondiments about tartar sauce, you’re trying too hard.)

The deciding factor came down to the quality of audience engagement. Comment threads on the McDonald’s Facebook posts contain a lot of negativity. I also came across this:

Shouldn’t someone call police rather than the company’s customer service hotline?

At the end of this fast food matchup of contrasting styles, Bill Raftery is going to yell “ONIONS” for two reasons: One, Taco Bell is scoring an upset here with some clutch snaps. Two, he’s regretting adding them onto his Cheesesteak Gordita Crunch. Let’s hope Raftery makes it to the restroom before the next round.

Winner: Taco Bell’s Snapchat

Coca-Cola’s Facebook (1) vs. Taco Bell’s Snapchat (3)

Taco Bell gets an easier opponent than some of the other brands in the Elite 8. Coke has all of those fans, but it’s not exactly a Facebook innovator. It’s Coke: It makes people smile as it turns their teeth into brown soft brown stumps that become symbols of dopamine and regret.

With Taco Bell, the Snapchat growth is all organic. The brand’s account allegedly gained 70,000 followers the same day it released its 2014 film. And it has teamed with influencers to develop that reach on important marketing holidays like Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day.

On Snapchat, Taco Bell plays to win; on Facebook, Coke plays not to lose. So Raftery is bringing Pepto Bismol to the Final 4 instead of worrying about diabetes.

Region Winner: Taco Bell’s Snapchat

The Dillon Region

Chosen by Dillon Baker, associate editor

Red Bull’s YouTube (1) vs. Lowe’s Vine (4)

Every once in a while there is a cinderella story that shocks everyone. This is not one of those times. Red Bull, a titan of content marketing, is the Goliath to Lowe’s David, except this time Goliath is rocking a sweet flat brim cap and sleeps on his college roommate’s couch in Boulder. Oh, and David loses.

Red Bull’s YouTube channel may be the crown jewel of the company’s increasingly powerful media empire. With 5 million subscribers, Red Bull is the most popular branded channel on YouTube, and for good reason. Besides the many videos of its popular action sports events, it also has full-fledged shows like “4 Below Zero“–which follows the insane-looking sport of Ice Cross Downhill–and “Raditudes,” which documents the struggles and triumphs of BMX riders.

It also hosts some of the most famous action sports videos of all time, including Felix Baumgartner’s supersonic freefall and  with Danny MacAskill.

But maybe action sports aren’t your thing. Maybe you enjoy home improvement, in which case Lowe’s Vine will be more your speed. It’s a pretty narrow channel–every Vine is in the same style: stop-motion home improvement tips they call #LowesFixinSix–but it’s executed well. It also fits well with Vine’s format: the whimsical animation make them a pleasure to absentmindedly scroll through, and the quick tips make you feel like you’re actually being productive.

It’s a great channel, but to be frank it never really stood a chance. Sorry Lowe’s.

Winner: Red Bull’s YouTube

Oreo’s Facebook (3) vs. Lego’s YouTube (2)

Given that Oreo is just a cookie brand, it’s kind of amazing that it’s currently sitting at number seven on the most popular brand Facebook pages. But it’s hard to top Lego’s YouTube, which has the second most plays of any brand on YouTube (behind, weirdly enough, Angry Birds).

Oreo’s Facebook makes full use of Facebook’s native video player, publishing short, fun videos that rack up tons of views and build brand affinity. It also does a decent job of maintaining a somewhat self-aware tone, such as posting pseudo “magic tricks” and “recipes.” The only bummer is that seemingly every top comment is yelling at Oreo for moving jobs to Mexico, an only somewhat true claim that was made popular by guess who.

Lego, meanwhile, is in the process of creating a full-fledged media brand on its YouTube channel. What Red Bull is to action sports, Lego is becoming to children’s programming. After the massive success of the Lego Movie, it appears that more people than ever are taking a look at Lego’s impressive stable of original series. They also produce tons and tons of stop motion videos to promote their new toy lines. The massive media push has played a significant part in record revenue growth for a company that was once in a ten year slump, according to a Fast Company profile.

This one is going to Lego. Everything is awesome, indeed.

Winner: Lego’s YouTube

Red Bull’s YouTube (1) vs. Lego’s YouTube (2)

It’s the battle of YouTube channels: On one side, you have the loveable Danish plastic brick maker turned media giant. And on the other, you have the original big dog of brands turned media companies, Red Bull.

There’s not much separating the two here. Red Bull has more subscribers, but Lego has more views. Both produce high quality original programming. Red Bull’s most popular videos have racked up significantly more views: Lego’s most popular video is sitting at 11.5 million, while Red Bull’s has 50 million. Lego’s channel is kind of a mess–the videos are poorly organized and often have confusing titles–whereas Red Bull’s is clean and easy to navigate.

But we have to give this one to Lego. Red Bull’s videos may be “sick nasty,” but their connection to the energy drink is tenuous at best, and always has been. Lego, on the other hand, is a genius combination of entertaining media properties and product promotion. Put simply: Lego’s videos make me want to play with legos, whereas Red Bull’s makes me want to hit the slopes and keep not drinking Red Bull.

Region Winner: Lego’s YouTube

The Kieran Region

Chosen by Kieran Dahl, social media editor

Nike’s Instagram (1) vs. Amazon’s Snapchat (4)

My ideal friend would tell me stupid facts every day that I can use to sound cool during happy-hour conversations, send jokes and pictures that make me chuckle IRL, and give me money.

On Snapchat, Amazon is basically that friend. The e-commerce giant shares short, pun-filled videos and images overlaid with facts about everything from manatees to potatoes, and has used Snapchat to promote limited-time deal codes. Some of Amazon’s Snapchat content has no relation to anything sold on Amazon, but, when mixed with offers that actually save me money, it’s entertaining enough that I don’t care.

Nike, meanwhile, is responsible for many of the best sports-related ads of all time, so you’d think its Instagram would be immensely popular. Well done—you’re right! With 41 million Instagram followers, Nike is the most popular brand on Instagram and the second-most-popular non-celebrity account, behind National Geographic. But if Crocs, Peeps, CrossFit, and FarmVille are any indication, things don’t have to be good to be popular.

Nike’s Instagram isn’t good. Static images of sneakers suspended in midair are not interesting, nor are pictures of athletic-looking people jogging in pretty places—that’s basically stock photography. Remove the Nike branding from every image and you’d think you’re looking at the Instagram of a #fitspo curator who’s adopted a half-assed minimalist Kinfolk aesthetic. Whether you’re a fitness freak with a shoe addiction or a shopaholic who likes to run or the world’s most popular sports brand, your Instagram must differentiate you from the millions of other similar-looking accounts. Nike’s doesn’t do that.

Winner: Amazon’s Snapchat

BarkBox’s Instagram (3) vs. L.L.Bean’s Pinterest (4)

Pinterest is largely known for its wedding-planning boards and Brooklyn-twee aesthetic collections, so it’s remarkable L.L.Bean is the platform’s most popular brand, with more than 5 million followers and nearly 2,000 pins. People associate L.L.Bean with a certain ruggedly handsome outdoorsiness—Maine, golden retrievers, old flannel, canoes, dirt-covered boots, the woods—and the brand’s own self-perception is evidently the same. The issue is that the kayak-slingin’, tree-climbin’, deer-lovin’ folks of L.L.Bean’s Pinterest are not the real buyers of the brand’s products. It’s city dwellers, the kind that cuffs their jeans and likes bed-and-breakfasts and thinks devastating thunderstorms are romantic, who are (monetarily) devoted to LL Bean. What good is a “Take Me Fishing” Pinterest board for a person whose physical interaction with those swimmy things is limited to unlimited sushi and sake?

If picture is really worth a thousand words, then BarkBox’s Instagram is a magnum opus of dogs doing human things, which, conceptually, is the best. There are dog mathematicians, dogs in biblical scenes, dogs playing basketball, dogs riding bikes, even dogs dressed as non-dog animals. Dog-ephants! Lamb-dogs! Lest you lose a furry friend to the passing of time—BarkBox posts to Instagram every couple hours, an impressive publishing cadence—some dogs appear in multiple images, popping up in a different scene or from another angle or with a different wig. (Yes.) To scroll through BarkBox’s Instagram is to feel the joy of seeing old friends again and again.

I love my Bean boots. I love good dogs more.

Winner: BarkBox’s Instagram

BarkBox’s Instagram (3) vs. Amazon’s Snapchat (4)

This is a battle between a massive corporation worth hundreds of billions of dollars—a disruptor of entire industries—and a small, pet-friendly New York City-based e-commerce startup with around 100 employees.

BarkBox, it seems, doesn’t stand a chance. Amazon’s resources, on social media or anywhere else, are unparalleled. In this instance, its ability to cater genuinely witty Snapchat content to the day of the week and obscure holidays is impressive for a brand so facelessly large.

But what BarkBox lacks in size it compensates for in creativity. It created an Instagram for dogs, called BarkFeed, to build a community of photo takers and dog lovers, two demographics for which there is likely 100 percent overlap. BarkFeed can even get your dog’s attention before a photo by making, for example, dinosaur noises and cat sounds. (Dogs are notoriously bad portrait sitters.) What’s more, BarkBox thinks outside the crate with its social media strategy, occasionally posting Instagram pictures and videos of animals beyond dogs. Like monkeys, for example. Mankind’s two favorite animals, our best friend and our genetic lookalike, all in one feed?

The underdog gets ever closer to becoming top dog. BarkBox moves on.

Region Winner: BarkBox’s Instagram

The Final 4

As the Final Four began, we went on Slack to determine a winner. 

Denny’s Twitter (1) vs. Taco Bell’s Snapchat (3)

Joe “Lazer” Lazauskas (editor-in-chief): What a time to be alive, guys.

Jordan Teicher (senior editor): Taco Bell is happy to be here.

Lazer: They’re just taking it one step at a time.

Jordan: Denny’s tweeted out a DNA helix of egg emojis and coffee cups. That’s the kind of gamesmanship you really can’t prepare for. Like if a team shoots 60 percent from the field, they’re going to win.

Dillon Baker (associate editor): Denny’s has coasted so far, but Microsoft’s LinkedIn wasn’t exactly a fair matchup. Also Prada never stood a chance given that four dudes in their mid-twenties are judging the thing.

Lazer: Hey, my girlfriend works in fashion! But yeah. What does the case for Taco Bell’s Snapchat look like?

Jordan: It’s pretty innovative. I mention a Snapchat “film” in my regional analysis that was created all in one day before the 2014 MTV Movie Awards. and they’re not paying $800k to sponsor a filter. It’s all organic, and it does serve a purpose since most snaps are tied to products.

I cant believe I’m saying this, but it takes itself seriously, at least compared to the running and gunning of Denny’s.

Lazer: What the hell is a Snapchat film? That definitely feels like an oxymoron.

Jordan: It is, but they actually made a film in 30 different locations that somehow tied together. 70k new people follower the brand that same day.

Dillon: I think there’s something to be said for succeeding on Snapchat. No one under 25 gets it. Twitter has been around longer; it has a more established language that anyone can see.

Lazer: The innovation factor is key.

Dillon: Then again, it’s kind of amazing that whomever runs Denny’s Twitter can make so many tweets day after day all relating to breakfast food.

Lazer: And still have it feel totally part of weird Twitter.

Dillon: But I’m also seeing tweets about Radiohead here, which is off topic but also funny, so I’ll let it slide

Kieran (social media editor): Denny’s ability to craft weird, funny tweets about that day’s news is what impresses me the most. Smaller iPhone? They’re on it.

Lazer: Easter jokes? Crushes it.

Jordan: This joke isn’t even related to breakfast.

salad or facial? pic.twitter.com/pavoLveHKG

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) March 20, 2016

Kieran: It’s the realest of real-time.

Lazer: Instagram memes? Bringing that ish to Twitter.

Kieran: I like that Denny’s also has some self-awareness on Twitter.

happy valentine’s day from a restaurant 😉

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) February 14, 2016

Jordan: Point is, the person/people who run Denny’s Twitter have a serious shot at being the MOP [most outstanding player] of this entire tournament.

Lazer: Definitely a lottery pick next spring.

Dillon: Yeah, self-awareness is key, Kieran. Speaking as a millennial, millennials love self-awareness (see what I did).

Lazer: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. Okay, I feel like we’re ready to vote on this round…

Kieran: We are all brands.

Lazer: That’s not a vote, Kieran; it’s just our internal mantra.

Jordan: I vote Denny’s. Too potent. Taco Bell has to build on this result and come back stronger next year.

Dillon: Yeah, Denny’s has worked too hard to lose now.

Lazer: Denny’s. Let’s pretend to recruit their MOP and make Kieran feel threatened.

Kieran: Denny’s. I am the face-with-tears-of-joy emoji looking at their Twitter.

Winner: Denny’s Twitter

Jordan: Let’s take a quick commercial break so people can learn about Levitra.

BarkBox’s Instagram (3) vs. Lego’s YouTube (2)

Lazer: I just chugged a coffee and have to pee, so someone else kick off this matchup.

Jordan: Either way, someone is bound to yell “now I have to clean up this shit” after interacting with dogs or toys. That leads to drama, which is what this tournament is all about.

Dillon: Lego really hit it big after the Lego Movie. Who here didn’t see the Lego Movie?

Jordan: :raised_hand_with_fingers_splayed: (emoji)

Kieran: *slowly raises hand while avoiding eye contact*

Lazer: Their YouTube channel is pretty much one big Lego movie. I still have the Everything Is Awesome song stuck in my head.

Dillon: My point is that everyone saw it. Since then, they’ve been pumping out new shows, mainly on YouTube.

Lazer: Their YouTube channel makes me want to be a child today.

Jordan: They score a lot, but they throw up a lot of shots too.

Dillon: Agreed. There are some clunkers there.

Jordan: They have a Swedish video about Lego Elves called “Safety First.” That worries me.

Dillon: I also pointed out in the selections that the channel is all over the place—it’s hard to navigate.

Lazer: I am far too sober to be watching this channel.

Kieran: I’m slightly weirded out by their animated characters that don’t look like Legos. No relation to Legos themselves!

Lazer: USE YOUR IMAGINATION, KIERAN.

Jordan: You have to ask if they peaked too late. If we were all nine years old, would Lego be a stronger contender?

Kieran: If I wanted good animated characters, I’d watch Pixar. I come to the Legos channel for little colorful blocks.

Lazer: BUT, the Lego Scooby Doo video is pretty much the best thing ever.

Nine-year-old me would literally be losing its mind right now and chugging Captain Crunch straight out the box.

Let’s move on to BarkBox’s Instagram. Dogs in wigs. Thoughts?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDntwVXICGe/

Dillon: Really strong opener.

Jordan: I hate it, but I can’t deny its effectiveness.

Lazer: You hate a dog reciting a Shakespearean monologue in a wig? What kind of monster are you?

Kieran: But it’s so much more than dogs in wigs. It’s dogs in biblical scenes. Dogs taking the MCAT. Dogs doing math. Dog flowers. Dog elephants.

Lazer: It’s an ode to Red Lobster!

Kieran: I didn’t know dogs could be so many things besides dogs.

Dillon: Whoa, brands promoting other brands.

Lazer: Also we have to consider the disadvantages. This is a small startup from the rough streets of Soho.

Kieran: The cameos of non-dog animals are also wonderful—full diversity of the animal kingdom on display here.

Jordan: Is that illegal recruiting?

Lazer: What is a bark but the common language of love?

Jordan: Speaking of love, i do love this:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDT6kJsICJ_/

Lazer: That is my favorite thing today.

The big question: is being a dog company essentially a PED in branded content? I’d argue yes, but so is being Lego.

Kieran: Sure, BarkBox has a leg up on the competition. I don’t mean to say they’re peeing, just that dogs are a strong starting point.

Lazer: But they’re also an underdog here.

Jordan: More like an overdog, if you ask me.

Kieran: It’s what they’ve done with the dogs that’s impressive.

Dillon: BarkBox has to get points for execution though. Plenty of dog and cat companies out there, but they’re the only ones here.

Jordan: The engagement is very consistent, too, unlike the peaks and troughs from Lego.

Lazer: Also points for timeliness: Batdog vs. Superdog!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDEGnVpICNf/

Kieran: I’m a fan of the hashtag use too.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BC1fD2AoCHo/

#literallythatsyou

Dillon: I also like that a lot of the images are low res. It’s a risky strategy, but it feels very old internet, which hits me hard with nostalgia.

Lazer: #tbt

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDCI8C8oCHy/

Okay, time to vote. BarkBox’s Insta.

Jordan: BarkBox.

Dillon: Gotta go with BarkBox. It’s a dog-eat-dog world and they came to play.

Kieran: Barkbox. Easy.

Winner: BarkBox’s Instagram

Jordan: [Viagra commercial]

The Championship

Denny’s Twitter (1) vs. BarkBox’s Instagram (3)

Lazer: In hindsight, I think it’s obvious that we underseeded BarkBox. Vegas has this as a pick ’em. I think the dog advantage comes more into play here. Making dogs adorable is easier than making breakfast food hysterical.

Kieran: An interesting matchup of media forms: words vs. images.

Lazer: But also creative use of platforms. Denny’s emoji game is strong. BarkBox’s caption game is on point.

Dillon: Basically, this is coming down to two social media managers who can do whatever they want.

Jordan: Denny’s is definitely more versatile: emojis, text, memes, GIFs. The puns are delicious.

the bread carpet coverage is absolutely delicious pic.twitter.com/XZG2WqXrOK

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) February 29, 2016

Lazer: A lot of BarkBox’s videos also appear to be ripped from other places while Denny’s is 100 percent original.

Dillon: Originality is big.

Lazer: I honestly thought Denny’s Twitter would run away with this tournament, but this is a tough choice. I mean just look at this guy!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCbe2XAoCPE/

Jordan: Let me throw an absurd hypothetical question into the mix: If you had to stay on one social media profile for one hour without being able to do anything else, which one would you choose?

Lazer: That’s not an absurd hypothetical question, #thatsliterallywhatIaskyouguystodoeveryweek.

Jordan: I’ve never done that in my life. Don’t intend to anytime soon. But i think id get tired of dogs after a while. Denny’s is so weird that it’s hard to get bored beccause you dunno what’s coming next.

Kieran: I gotta say BarkBox. I saw a Goldendoodle named Tucker on the train this morning, and I’m still thinking about him.

Dillon: I’ve already been on BarkBox for the last hour so.

Lazer: I’d say BarkBox because dogs.

Dillon: #ComplimentYourDog is pretty genius.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BC1XjX8oCK-/

Kieran: You can dream of cute dogs. You can’t dream of witty tweets.

Jordan: I have nightmares about dogs.

Kieran: Sounds like a bias worth disclosing. Is Big Pancake paying you?

Lazer: Full Disclosure: My mom is a vet. I’m in the pocket of Big Dog.

Jordan: This whole thing is rigged. Our methodology is shot. Do dogs have pockets?

Dillon: Big questions.

Lazer: They do if they wear cute sweaters.

This:

when you check the trend feed and it’s obvious someone’s just putting whatever in there pic.twitter.com/i72gxjLeLW

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) February 25, 2016

Here’s another question: Which account makes you more likely to buy something from that brand? Personally, I really want to go to Denny’s as soon as we wrap this up.

Kieran: I want to buy a dog. Then give him nice things from BarkBox.

Dillon: BarkBox is making me want a dog to compliment, but I have been thinking about overcooked bacon a lot throughout this slack chat.

Lazer: Kieran, I think you need to date whoever’s behind the BarkBox Insta. #LiterallyThatsYourFutureWife.

Kieran: Look at Denny’s most popular tweets of all time.

To be honest, I’m not impressed.“Hashbrowns on fleek.” That’s it? Where’s the emoji?

Jordan: That was two years ago. People change; pancakes change.

Lazer: They were early on the on-fleek trend.

Kieran: I wouldn’t have thrown that a retweet in any decade.

Jordan: “Look at da flicka da grits” is kinda on fleek though.

Lazer: Real talk. Okay, we need to get back to real work, so vote time.

Jordan: Denny’s.

Lazer: Dog hater.

Jordan: It’s a one-note strategy. Let’s be real, the NCAA should investigate this:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDBo10XoCKG/

That’s not a dog! Does the brand have any morals/values/consistency?

Lazer: Also, that was an aggressive post at Instagram. Biting the hand that feeds you!

Kieran: That’s called courage.

Dillon: Omg, guys, what if it’s tied?

Kieran: As much as this will make me laugh for eternity…

get yourself a diner who can do both pic.twitter.com/zcYBcECq1U

— Denny’s (@DennysDiner) March 2, 2016

I’m team BarkBox. Consistent hits from ’em. Denny’s has some incredible tweets, but other times, I’m like, “Slow your roll, you’re trying too hard.”

Lazer: I’m going Denny’s for the degree of difficulty of a giant chain nailing Twitter so hard.

Jordan: Some would argue that you can’t try any harder than putting a wig on a puppy.

Kieran: That’s effortless.

Jordan: Please, that’s like a girl doing the side-angle Instagram post in a bikini and then acting bashful when people start complimenting her.

Dillon: Oh no. I’m going BarkBox. Feel like they’re part of Instagram’s culture whereas Denny’s gets Twitter culture.

Lazer: Okay, we need to get a tie-breaker vote. Let’s bring in Mr. Sam Slaughter.

Sam Slaughter (VP of content): Don’t you guys have jobs?

Kieran: I tweet professionally, remember?

Lazer: This is thought-leadering.

Sam: Hmmm, okay. You guys know I’m hardly impartial here? My dog once received 20,000 likes for being featured on BarkBox’s Instagram.

Lazer: Fair point, let’s go to Erin.

Dillon: Wow, the suspense.

Erin Nelson (marketing editor):

Champion: Denny’s Twitter

Lazer: Score one for AMERICA.

Erin: Denny’s actually made me LOL.

Lazer: And that’s all the ROI that really matters.

via GIPHY