Fixing the Beer Industry’s Pun Problem
You know when you sit around with your friends and talk about what you would do if you won the lottery, after traveling the world and catching every Pokémon on your phone? My dream in that scenario is to open my own brewery.
I’m not alone here, as the microbrewery craze is growing so quickly that, according to the Brewers Association, roughly two new breweries open every day. Besides the issue of market saturation, many breweries are experience a different type of oversaturation: names.
We officially live in a world in which nearly every single beer pun will be trademarked.
That’s right. Per The Wall Street Journal, the sharp increase in microbreweries is leaving a depleted pool for creative names for the latest brew. In the words of a Brendan Palfreyman, a beer trademark lawyer, “We’re literally running out of words in the English language that haven’t already been taken.”
I’m not too worried myself, as my hypothetical brewery will also double as a mini-golf course (with bleacher seating so patrons can watch all players come up the 18th green). But for the rest of brewers in America, well, it’s not like there’s a massive glossary of beer terms readily available for puns.
So, breweries of the world, we’re here to help.
First, below is a list of beers that I thought of, Googled, and found out that they’re already taken. (I curse the genius who already got Hoptimus Prime.)
Hop on Pop
How Now Brown Ale
Duck, Duck, Gose
Hop of the Morning
Baby Got Bock
Bock to the Future
I’ll Be Bock
Bock to School
Sittin’ on Hop of the World
Now for some originals. You’re welcome in advance.
When It Grains, It Pours
There’s No Place Like Foam
Skip to My Brew
An Evening in Aroma
Yours, Mine, Sours
Man of the Froth
Round of Hopplause
The Yuengling Brothers
Beauty and the Yeast (see also: potential Lifetime films about hygiene)
How Brewed (the Olsen twins expand their empire)
Ain’t Too Proud to Keg
The Pils Are Alive
Gose Tell It on the Mountain
Kriek-o-dileImage by Shutterstock