Fixing the Beer Industry’s Pun Problem

You know when you sit around with your friends and talk about what you would do if you won the lottery, after traveling the world and catching every Pokémon on your phone? My dream in that scenario is to open my own brewery.

I’m not alone here, as the microbrewery craze is growing so quickly that, according to the Brewers Association, roughly two new breweries open every day. Besides the issue of market saturation, many breweries are experience a different type of oversaturation: names.

We officially live in a world in which nearly every single beer pun will be trademarked.

That’s right. Per The Wall Street Journal, the sharp increase in microbreweries is leaving a depleted pool for creative names for the latest brew. In the words of a Brendan Palfreyman, a beer trademark lawyer, “We’re literally running out of words in the English language that haven’t already been taken.”

I’m not too worried myself, as my hypothetical brewery will also double as a mini-golf course (with bleacher seating so patrons can watch all players come up the 18th green). But for the rest of brewers in America, well, it’s not like there’s a massive glossary of beer terms readily available for puns.

So, breweries of the world, we’re here to help.

First, below is a list of beers that I thought of, Googled, and found out that they’re already taken. (I curse the genius who already got Hoptimus Prime.)

Hoptimus Prime

Beerly Beloved

Hop on Pop

How Now Brown Ale

Hopportunity Knocks

Duck, Duck, Gose

Hop of the Morning

Baby Got Bock

Bock to the Future

I’ll Be Bock

Bock to School

Gosebusters

Hopsided

Sittin’ on Hop of the World

Now for some originals. You’re welcome in advance.

When It Grains, It Pours

There’s No Place Like Foam

Hopulus Rift

Whitewater Crafting

Skip to My Brew

An Evening in Aroma

Yours, Mine, Sours

Hopposites Attract

Froth IR(P)A

Man of the Froth

Round of Hopplause

The Yuengling Brothers

Beauty and the Yeast (see also: potential Lifetime films about hygiene)

How Brewed (the Olsen twins expand their empire)

Ain’t Too Proud to Keg

KangaBrew

The Pils Are Alive

Hoppsi-Daisy

Gose Tell It on the Mountain

The Stoutsiders

Kriek-o-dile